Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Cheesy Swedish Meatball Bake

So let us get this out of the way: FUCK Tastemade. A fb page (who I shall not mention for fear of associated them with these schmucks) reposted their video. And thus began a journey...

A blurry journey apparently.

The still before the video looked tasty, so I watched the video. It looked really good (the word Gruyère always gets me excited even if I cannot pronounce it) but no specifics. No link to the recipe either. No comments with the recipe. Nothing.

Now depending on the day's solar flare activity, the relative humidity in Johannesburg, and the frequency of the letter "L" in headlines that day, it is about 50/50 if I would have walked away or continued. That day there was just enough "L"s to continue. I posted for help. I tried their fb page and I could not find the original post. I tried their webpage. It just wanted me to install some app, which is a pet peeve of mine so no. A few hours later somebody replied with this mess "Type the recipe name in the fb search bar. It'll give you a couple recipes. One of them says full recipe. Click on it and the video comes up, but, on the right is a link to the recipe." I tried to follow these instructions, I really did because at this point I was commited. Anyway a few more hours pass by and someone replies with a link. I click the link and low and behold it is the same DAMN VIDEO but on their website instead of fb!!! I was about to give up and luckily I noticed a print button just below the video. I clicked on that and I PDF'ed the recipe. Which brings us to today.

1 pound ground beef
1 pound ground turkey
1/2 cup panko breadcrumbs
2 large eggs
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon allspice
Salt and pepper to taste
2 cups egg noodles, cooked
1/2 cup Gruyère cheese, shredded

6 tablespoons butter
4 tablespoons all-purpose flour
3 cups beef broth
1/2 cup heavy cream
Salt to taste

In a large bowl, combine ground meats, panko, eggs, melted butter and
seasonings. Roll mixture into balls.

In a skillet on medium-high heat, cook meatballs in olive oil, until browned on all
sides. Transfer to a paper towel-lined tray and set aside.

Prepare the gravy. In the same skillet, melt butter and whisk in the flour until
lightly browned. Slowly pour in the beef broth while whisking continuously. Keep
whisking and cooking until slightly thickened. Stir in the heavy cream and season
with salt and pepper.

Place meatballs in the gravy and simmer for about 3 to 4 minutes.

Cook egg noodles to al dente and drain. In a baking dish, mix noodles together
with meatballs and gravy. Sprinkle with shredded Gruyère cheese.

Bake at 375 degrees F until slightly golden and bubbling. 

I refuse to link to these jakovasaurs. I cited my source, that is all they get.

And Darth Vader Mr. Potato Head went to pieces when I asked him to help! 

I fried the meat in two batches because it was a lot a meat.

Scalding but tasty

I made one radical change: ground turkey was supposed to be ground pork. I have no regrets. The turkey made the meatballs "lighter" than I think pork would have. I think it was a really pleasant change and would probably stick with it in future go.

A few things I would change in the future. This needs more egg noodles and cheese. I would go as far as to say double both.I used a 9x13 pan. I would use something smaller next time. The cheese kind of disappeared due to the large surface area.

The leftovers kept really well. This could easily be a meal prep Sunday kind of recipe.

I get it, we all have to get paid. Seriously though, fuck Tastemade and anyone else who "posts" recipes and then make you jump through this shit. If your business model involves making my life more difficult: I hate you, your children, your children's children, their pet dog, your favorite holiday, and the color of the shirt you were wearing the day you made the post.

But the meatballs were pretty good... but not great.

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Beef Stew

I have skipped ahead several cookbooks to Cooking with Wine for today's entry. I know, I know I said I would not do that, but this was for the greater good of mankind!

Mmm. Tasty greater good.

Daycare does a meal train for people in need. One of the families in our classroom just had a kid and asked for stews. I could literally could not say no! Ok... not literally or even figuratively really, but I like beef stew. I went through a dozen or so cookbooks before I found the right recipe. So without further ado Mother's Old Fashioned Beef Stew or simply beef stew.

3 tablespoons flour
Salt / pepper to taste
3 lbs beef cut into 1 1/2" cubes
2 tablespoons butter
1 1/2 tablespoons beef fat
2 cloves garlic, peeled
1 1/2 onion (I used Vidalia), sliced
1 1/2 teaspoon marjoram, powdered
2 bay leaves
3 cups beef stock
2 1/4 red wine (I used a cheap Cabernet Sauvignon)
6 turnips, 3/4" cubed
9 carrots, ~1/2" sliced
6 potatoes, 3/4" cubed (I used larger baking potatoes)
1 1/2 fresh flat parsley, chopped
1 1/2 teaspoon thyme (pretty sure I forgot this)
18 small white onions (I wanted pearl but couldn't find them), peeled

Put flour in a bowl and season with salt and pepper. Mix. A few at a time drag the beef cubes through and coat on all sides. Refill as necessary.

Heat butter and fat in a stock pot. A few at a time brown beef cubes on all sides. When browned move to a plate or bowl to capture the juices. Add butter/fat as needed. Deglaze the pot with the wine, scrapping up all the bits. Add remaining wine, garlic, sliced onions, parsley, beef cubes, parsley, marjoram, bay leaves, and stock. Simmer for one and a half hours.

Add carrots, potatoes, small white onions, and turnips. Continue to simmer until the vegetables are tender, about two hours. Add salt and pepper to taste.

So I have moderately modified this recipe. The original was more or less 2/3rds the above, but I tweaked a few numbers.

One I did not modify was the extra large bottle of cheap wine.
I did not limit the excessive amount of meat either. 

This is from a Holland House cookbook. For those unfamiliar Holland House makes those cheap salted cooking wines available at the grocery. They're my go to sherry and Marsala. That said, I wanted to go with drinking wine not cooking wine (so I could drink it, duh). As a result I was pretty generous with the salt to taste part.

This is basically a commercial in book form.

Before I really got into making the recipe, I trimmed the fat and rendered it to get the fat needed.

I am just being practical.

Next time a family in need needs stew count me in for this one!

Monday, September 18, 2017

Santa's Whiskers

I am not a baker. I can make a mean batch of Duncan Hines brownies. Mmm brownies... But seriously baking is not my forte.

This is what I am told, in common parlance, is known as a cookie.

So next in the cookbook line up is a generic ones size fits all cookbook, Americas Best Recipes: A 1993 Hometown Collection, and the wifey requested cookies. So fire up that KitchenAid mixer and get ready for mediocrity!

Generic cookbook...
Generic cookbook...
Southern cookbook?

1 cup butter (two sticks), room temperature
1 cup sugar
2 tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans
3/4 cup finely quartered candied cherries

Beat butter at medium speed with an electric mixer until fluffy. Gradually add sugar, beat well. Add milk and vanilla, beat. Add flour, pecans, and cherries, beat.

Shape into two 8 inch long rolls. Wrap in was paper and freeze until firm.

Preheat the oven to 375°. Unwrap and cut into 1/4" slices. Space 2-3 inches apart on a ungreased cookie sheet. Bake until edges lightly brown: 8-10 minutes.

You were supposed to roll these in coconut before freezing. I hate coconut. Fuck that. And although the whole "whiskers" thing probably does not make sense without it, I feel the need to reiterate: fuck coconut.

Also to fit the Santa theme, you're supposed to use half red candies cherries and half green candied cherries. I am, however, not made of money. So green it is!

Doing home improvements and cooking at the same time is fine... just keep the epoxy out of the cookies.

I froze them a little too long. When discussing my options for my dough batons on Facebook, I got an interesting suggestion: spousal murder. But after a moment of reflection, I opted for letting it thaw on the counter for a few minutes. I have no regrets. The wifey is a keeper.

I would have hesitated less if she had cleaned the freezer for me...

It seems a shame to waste a good cookbook blog post on such lackluster results. So remind me in a decade when I have gotten through every other cookbook to revisit this one.

This is unquestionably a cookie that is edible.

If I am ever accused of uxoricide, it was all Justin's idea.

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Sopa de Ajo

Round two: SPICY!*

1,001 Best Hot and Spicy Recipes is next on my shelves and that presents a problem that will pop up a handful of times during this process. The wifey is not a super adventurous eater. We eat mountains of chickens because we both despise the filthy beasts... er I mean we both like chicken. But she does not like stew/soup (with the exception of her mother's matzo ball soup) or beef. She flat out refuses anything spicy or pork. So while today's recipe is not really that spicy, it was made just for me. Which is why I picked a soup.

1 1/2 teaspoons olive oil
1 tablespoon butter
5 large cloves garlic, peeled and minced.
1 aji chile, stems and seeds removed (or yellow wax hot or jalapeño)
2 cups chicken stock (I used some very flavorful homemade stuff)
Salt, to taste
Pepper, to taste
2 large eggs, beaten
1 tablespoon finely grated Romano cheese (I used Parmesan)
1 teaspoon parsley

In a heavy pot, heat oil and butter over medium heat. Add the garlic and sauté, quickly stirring in the flour. Stir until the garlic begins to brown. Add the chiles, stock, salt, pepper, eggs, and cheese and mix well. Bring to boil, the reduce the heat to medium and cook, covered, for 15 minutes. If desired strain the soup. Serve hot, garnished with the parsley.

* - The reports of a high spice level have been greatly exaggerated. That is to say: this shit ain't spicy at all.

This was one meal sized serving (for me) by the way. Multiple as appropriate.

"If desired strain the soup." I was leery of this step, but went with it. I am glad I did. Despite my best efforts some of the egg had resulted in large blobs. After straining it only itty bitty pieces of egg were in there. It was a nice smooth texture as a result.

As a texture person, this probably saved this recipe from disaster for me.

So for better or for worse, I substituted cheeses because I had a half a block of good Parmesan in my fridge. One must be frugal after all.

Also I could only find jalapeño at my grocery. I stemmed and seeded it, but wanting some heat I added a few seeds back in. It did not make any difference only adding a few much to my disappointment.

Pictured: not enough seeds to make the slightest difference.

Taste = great. Gas = super stinky. Seriously, not to get overly personal but my gas usually is not too bad. This however made my butt toxic! I might make this again next time I am home alone!

Monday, August 7, 2017

The Bookshelf

My cookbooks (and core gaming books)

Broiled Tarragon Chicken with White Wine

2017-08-29 Edit: I made this with cooking wine and marinated overnight. Do not try this method.

So I have a completely unrealistic goal! Want to hear? Sure you do! If you are actually reading this that is and not just skipping straight to the recipe below that is. I am going to attempt to blog something from every single cookbook I own.

Step One of Fifty-Five and Counting

I estimate that given my blogging output and the age of my child, this will take my approximately ten years! It is good to have goals right? So today we start with the first cookbook on my shelf alphabetically: 365 Easy Low Calorie Recipes. Why alphabetically? Because otherwise I will cherry pick and stop this process long before I am done.

So I bought this cookbook at a Half Priced Books clearance event at the local conventions center about three years ago. I am fairly confident it has only collected dust since then! Flipping through it, it seems to be a pretty standard "diet" cookbook: low calorie meals, low calorie alternatives, low calorie variations on classics, super basic recipes. Let us take a shot at that last one.

2 tablespoons dry white wine (I used a pinot grigio)
1 1/2 teaspoon olive oil
3/8 teaspoons tarragon
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/8 teaspoon pepper
1 large boneless skinless chicken breast slice thick-wise

In a medium bowl combine everything but the chicken. Mix well. Coat chicken and let marinate one hour at room temperature.

Set oven rack about six inches from broiler. Preheat broiler. 

Broil chicken (in a broiler safe tray or pan, duh) about six minutes each side or until cooked through. 

I almost made the low calorie Hollandaise sauce. Then I thought to myself, I cannot think of the last time I made a Hollandaise sauce. I feel like I must have at some point right? I mean it is a classic. Hell, Wikipedia says the following: Hollandaise is one of the five sauces in the French haute cuisine mother sauce repertoire. Surely I have made it at some point right? Right... So I couldn't bring myself to go there. Luckily a bottle of wine and this was otherwise stocked in the house.

Oh and in case it is not obvious by the "eighths" ingredients, I halved the original. Also it was implied that they were using bone-in breast, so I cut the cooking times appropriately.

Aside: I think I really like tarragon. 

Anyway, two tablespoons of wine is a nice excuse to buy a bottle of Pinot right? I will be trying this one again with a bottle of "cooking white wine" and without the salt. I will also try leaving it in the fridge over night. Because if it is nearly as good that way, this might get regular rotation in the house. Preheat and twelve minutes cooking? Yeah: fingers crossed. 

One for the chicken... twenty five for me!

Oh my! Oh goodness! I need more of this in my life!!! YES, yes please.

Or should I say: I liked it.

Mark's Thighs

[insert product placement here]

We are living dangerously (again)! Today's recipe is a Archduke Domestic ORIGINAL. That is right folks prepare yourselves to be wowed with an entirely unoriginal original recipe that I, your humble guide, wrote!

So what inspired this risqué move? Well let us put on our memory caps folks! Remember my Pressure Cooker Sauerbraten (which I really need to make again come to think of it) post from a while back? That was fun and all, but it was not exactly something I was going to make on any regularity. On top of that, I had been looking to break out my chicken breast rut (as you might have noticed by my two chicken thigh recipes earlier this year). So that led me down a path of quick easy and minimal special ingredients.

4 chicken thighs (bone in, skin on)
(1) 14 1/2 ounce can chicken broth
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1/8 teaspoon of pepper
2 cloves garlic, peeled
2 tablespoons plain bread crumbs
1 tablespoon Parmesan cheese (fresh or Kraft)
1 teaspoon-ish season salt (see commentary)

Mix the chicken broth, lemon juice, garlic, and pepper in the pressure cooker. Add chicken thighs.

Bring to pressure and cook 15 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through. 

While cooking mix the bread crumbs, Parmesan, and season salt in a bowl.

Safely release pressure. Line a broiler safe pan or tray with foil. Roll each chicken thigh in the bread crumb mix. Place skin up on the pan. 

Turn on the broiler of your oven (do not preheat). Broil thighs until lightly browned (to taste).

This is about five minutes of active cooking and another twenty-five of passive. Other than having to remember to buy/thaw chicken thighs ahead of time, I have everything in my house. This is the penultimate weeknight recipe (nothing will ever surpass the ease and speed of chicken and cheese quesadillas). Any given Tuesday or Wednesday you can expect this to be made in the ol' Sutcliffe household.

This also comes out pretty salty if I use a full teaspoon. But I like it that way. So I would not begrudge anyone for using less.

This is "not wow the boss convincing him to give you that much deserved raise" recipe... That raise you need to buy that amazing investment property that is not on the market yet. That you have an inside track on, you just need the money. If get the raise, you get the property, and you would be set. One simple raise and it is smooth sailing from then on. Why cannot he see you deserve it more than that jackass Jenkins. He is nothing but a talentless brown noser who just happened to have gone to the same alma mater as the boss. Why cannot he see it!!! WHY???

Er... excuse me. I mean this is a lovely and simple recipe for a quick and pleasant dinner, but not exactly haute cuisine.