Monday, September 18, 2017

Santa's Whiskers

I am not a baker. I can make a mean batch of Duncan Hines brownies. Mmm brownies... But seriously baking is not my forte.


This is what I am told, in common parlance, is known as a cookie.

So next in the cookbook line up is a generic ones size fits all cookbook, Americas Best Recipes: A 1993 Hometown Collection, and the wifey requested cookies. So fire up that KitchenAid mixer and get ready for mediocrity!


Generic cookbook...
Generic cookbook...
Southern cookbook?















Resources:
1 cup butter (two sticks), room temperature
1 cup sugar
2 tablespoons milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans
3/4 cup finely quartered candied cherries

Method:
Beat butter at medium speed with an electric mixer until fluffy. Gradually add sugar, beat well. Add milk and vanilla, beat. Add flour, pecans, and cherries, beat.

Shape into two 8 inch long rolls. Wrap in was paper and freeze until firm.

Preheat the oven to 375°. Unwrap and cut into 1/4" slices. Space 2-3 inches apart on a ungreased cookie sheet. Bake until edges lightly brown: 8-10 minutes.

Commentary:
You were supposed to roll these in coconut before freezing. I hate coconut. Fuck that. And although the whole "whiskers" thing probably does not make sense without it, I feel the need to reiterate: fuck coconut.

Also to fit the Santa theme, you're supposed to use half red candies cherries and half green candied cherries. I am, however, not made of money. So green it is!


Doing home improvements and cooking at the same time is fine... just keep the epoxy out of the cookies.

I froze them a little too long. When discussing my options for my dough batons on Facebook, I got an interesting suggestion: spousal murder. But after a moment of reflection, I opted for letting it thaw on the counter for a few minutes. I have no regrets. The wifey is a keeper.


I would have hesitated less if she had cleaned the freezer for me...

It seems a shame to waste a good cookbook blog post on such lackluster results. So remind me in a decade when I have gotten through every other cookbook to revisit this one.

Conclusion:
This is unquestionably a cookie that is edible.

Acknowledgements:
If I am ever accused of uxoricide, it was all Justin's idea.