Crispy Tofu and Ginger Dressing with Bagged Asian Salad

You might think this is healthy, but you do not see the pool of dressing from this angle.

The wifey, the kiddo, and I have moved. Woo. Home ownership. American dream. Ra, ra, and other stuff. 

Pro: I have a kitchen that is much larger and my own. Con: this thing.

Small AND uneven heat, what is not to love?

So cooking anything beyond frozen food or three/four item recipes has been limited. But we are all moved in now (read about fifty percent of boxes are unpacked). 

Walking through the grocery the other day I decided I needed to get my mojo back with an IMPULSE PURCHASE!!! ..of tofu. Um? Behold me being risqué? 


Resources:
Tofu:
14 oz block of extra firm tofu
6 tablespoons (3/8 cup) cornstarch, divided
1 teaspoon salt, divided
peanut oil

Ginger dressing (source):
3 cloves garlic, pressed
2 tablespoons prepared ginger root (not pickled)
3/4 cup olive oil
1/3 cup rice vinegar
1/2 cup soy sauce
3 tablespoons honey

Salad:
Store bought bag of Asian salad mix (get one with crunchies, because yum)

Method:
Tofu:
Remove tofu from packaging. Place between two thick layers of paper towels. Place something heavy on top. (See picture in commentary). Allow to sit for a few.

Mix salt and cornstarch.

Cube tofu to desired size. Toss in the cornstarch/salt mix (do this in two batches).

Heat peanut oil to medium-high. Add coated tofu. Rotate as sides get golden brown. Remove when browned on all sides.

Ginger dressing:
Mix all ingredients.

Microwave until warm, ie the honey is less viscous, and mix again.

Serve warm.

Salad:
PUT SALAD IN BOWL.

POUR DRESSING ON SALAD. Toss that salad.

TOP WITH TOFU.

I IS EXPLAINING SALAD BECAUSE IT ARE HARD.

Commentary:

I did the tofu in two batches of coatings and two batches of frying. The coating started to lump hence the second batch. The frying because of the size of the pan I was using.

I did some reading about cooking tofu online before hand (largely because I bought it and sat on it for a few weeks out of laziness). That is the source of the pressing of the tofu.  Apparently tofu is pretty wet. I really have no idea. I just ran with it. Although if I had literally sat on it for a few weeks, I suppose it would not have been an issue.

Because... the internet TOLD ME TO!!!

I have to admit one of the things that excited me about working with tofu was the idea I could make perfect cubes in great uniformity (I make no apology, I am an engineer damn it). Well I was let down. 

Look at this lumpy non-uniform piece of edible protein!

Make sure the dressing is stored in a container with a solid seal. I had to shake the ever lovin' bejesus out of it. Stirring/whisking just was not cutting it. 

Conclusion:
The tofu was incredibly easy to make and is suitable for all sorts of applications. The salad dressing was a little fussy with the honey melt / general separation. Still it was very good. Plus the whole thing was pretty damn easy. I would give another go. I would consider adding some more crunchy things next time to give it a little more texture. 

Edit:
I'm not the only one who wanted cubed food.

Pressure Cooker Sauerbraten

Protein! Carbs! Gravy! MAN FOOD! Plus: cookies. Everyone likes cookies.

A little before Christmas I bought myself a fancy dancy electric pressure cooker. It was one of those crazy deep sales they always have that time of year. I really didn't have a rhythm or reason to this. That said, it should not come as a surprise to say I like kitchen toys.

Meat is a good excuse though.

I made a recipe (lemon barbecued chicken) I have made a fair number of times and just seemed like a good match. Really it was fine. But it did not seem like I was getting anything out of the pressure cooker as the chicken was just about the same as when I make it in the oven. I guess it cooked a little faster, but not enough to justify a new toy.

So I bought Pressure Cookers For Dummies. I found a used copy for a couple of bucks shipped. It talks a little about pressure cookers in general, which is nice. It touted its sauerbraten as one of the most impressive things to make in a pressure cooker as it reduced time from one thousand eight hundred minutes to eighty (this is way more impressive in minutes). Well that sounded damn impressive and I just so happened to have a shoulder pot roast sitting in the freezer I had no plans for.

Included because I thought this picture was pretty. 

Resources:

Wine. Wine is priority #1. Cookie crumbs are a close second.

1 cup water
1/2 cup red wine vinegar
1/2 dry red wine (I used a cabernet sauvignon that I had on hand)
1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1 teaspoon ground cloves
2 teaspoons salt
salt and pepper
4 lb beef roast
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 large carrots, coarsely chopped
2 stalks celery, coarsely chopped
2 large onions, coarsely chopped
1 clove garlic, crushed
3/4 cups crushed gingersnaps
2 bay leaves
cornstarch (optional)
egg noodles (cooked at some point)

Method:
Combine the water, vinegar, wine, brown sugar, clovers, and 2 teaspoons salt. Set aside.

Generously salt and pepper the meat.

Heat the oil in a pan over medium-high heat. Brown the meat evenly on all sides.

Add the meat, carrots, celery, onion, garlic, crushed gingersnaps, and bay leaves to the slow cooker. Pour the mixture from step 1 over the meat. Stir to combine. Cover and bring to high pressure. Cook for 60 minutes.

Release the pressure, quick-release method (mind your fingers as to avoid scalding). Open and remove the cover.

Remove the meat to a serving platter and cover with foil. Discard the bay leaves.

Pour the cooking liquid into a food processor and process until smooth. Season to taste. Whisk in cornstarch and reduce to thicken as desired in a pan over medium-high heat.

Slice the meat thinly. Serve over the meat and gravy over egg noodles.

Commentary:
I halved the above recipe because my roast was closer to two pounds than four.

Baby food and croutons are optional.

As noted, I thickened the gravy by adding cornstarch and reducing it on the stove top just a little. This is a deviation from the original recipe. Honestly, one of the big take aways for me with the pressure cooker in general is thickening sauces. Since you need large amounts of liquid for the pressure cooker to work, the final results are, well, liquidy. I have added cornstarch and reduced almost every sauce that has come out the thing since. If you have a stove top one you can do that directly. I have the electric / stand alone kind, so I have to transfer the sauce to a pan and then reduce. Not a big deal... the wifey (who I am giving one more pot to wash) may disagree.

Aside: it is kind of neat to have a sauce where you have "liquefied" onions and carrots. Is it not?

Pro tip: crush way more cookies than you need. Then you can get the leftovers by the spoonful. Mmm cookie crumbs.

Conclusion:
The grocer has roasts on sale pretty frequently (in fact I made one last night and I have one more in my freezer). This will undoubtedly be made again.

One-Pot Chicken Fajita Pasta

I ate my plate too quickly for pictures. So you get the left overs.

The other day I had one of those awesome "the wifey has a new recipe she wants to try" moments. These are exciting moments in my life.

Sad I know. What can I say, in my mid-thirties I am easily excited.

Well I got my "bitch ass back in the kitchen"! Heck these moments are an excuse for me to blog, drink beer, and play with knives. What is not to love?

Please validate my mid-life-i-ness!

Drinking "Dad" sounds like some crazy viking funeral ritual.

So one of the recipes she sends me is One-Pot Chicken Fajita Pasta. Now this seemed like a trap. The recipe looked potentially spicy and it had red and yellow peppers in it. These are not things she loves. She did try to talk me into switching over to green pepper. I stood strong though. I have made it twice now and both times I have stuck to the the yellow and red peppers.

Resources:
2 tsp olive oil, divied
1 lb boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into bite-sized pieces
1 tsp kosher salt, divided
1 1/2 tsp ground cumin, divided
1 tsp paprika, divided
1/2 tsp chili powder, divided
1/2 tsp garlic powder, divided
1 large white onion, sliced
1 large red bell pepper, sliced
1 large yellow bell pepper, sliced
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 cups reduced sodium chicken broth
1 (10-oz) can Mild Ro-Tel Diced Tomatoes & Green Chiles
7 oz pasta
1/2 cup light sour cream
1 scallion, diced (or not if you are forgetful)
2 tablespoons chopped cilantro
1 diced small avocado

One might call this resource intensive. But what do I care, I do not do the grocery shopping!

Method:
Season chicken with 3/4 tsp salt, 1 tsp cumin, 1/2 tsp paprika, 1/4 tsp chili powder and 1/4 tsp garlic powder. In a large deep nonstick skillet, heat 1 teaspoon olive oil over high heat. When the oil is very hot, add the chicken and cook until browned, stirring about 5 to 6 minutes. Transfer to a large bowl and set aside.

Reduce heat to medium, add the remaining teaspoon of olive oil to the skillet. When the oil is hot, add the onions, bell peppers, and remaining 1/4 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp cumin, 1/2 tsp paprika, 1/4 tsp chili powder and 1/4 tsp garlic powder,. Cook, stirring occasionally, until desired softness, about 10-15 minutes. Add minced garlic, and stir until fragrant and well combined, about 30 seconds. Remove from heat and transfer to the bowl with the chicken.

In the same skillet, add the broth, diced tomatoes and uncooked pasta. Stir to combine and bring to a boil, then cover, reduce heat to medium-low, and cook for 15 minutes until pasta is tender and liquid is mostly absorbed. Add the chicken and veggies back into the skillet and stir to combine until heated through, about 2 minutes. Mix in the sour cream and top with scallions, cilantro, and avocado.

Commentary:
The chicken as is it quite enjoyable. That recipe is worth keeping itself.

"Transfer to a large bowl" is a change from the original. They had suggested a plate. I had chicken and peppers ready to fall off my plate in a tasty avalanche of wasted food. Use something better than a plate.

This picture does not capture the mountainous nature.

Round one, I screwed up and added the garlic at the reheat phase. The other time I added it appropriately. I noticed no difference.

Speaking of screw ups, diced scallions are noticeably absent from my pictures. Those missed round one as well. I guess they were a nice addition when fresh for round two. The left overs however you could not even tell they were there. The avocado and scallions really just seem like garnish.

Now the Ro-Tel does add a bit of heat. So that did not go over well. Round two I replaced with a can of diced tomatoes.

Conclusion:
CURSE YOU RO-TEL! CURSE YOU AND YOUR BLACK HEART! This was a total winner until I added that. That made the recipe too spicy for the wifey. The iteration without was good too I suppose.

Alsatian-Brined Turkey with Riesling Gravy

Mmm. Bird

Mmm. LOTS of bird.

  
Story time! 

Back in the fall of 2004, I was straight out of college. My undergraduate fraternity was doing a magazine fund raiser. While I was tempted to point out that what a horrible fundraiser it was (which I assumed was a lesson we all learned back in the sixth grade), I bought a couple magazines to be supportive instead. Because I am a nice guy like or I felt horribly obligated. One of the two.

Having subscribed ever since, Food & Wine has been a huge part of culinary growth and this was in one of the first issues I received. I find the magazine strikes an excellent balance in my opinion. There are interesting and challenging recipes like today's. That said, most of the time I get most or all of the ingredients at the larger chain groceries and I do not need to special kitchen utensils. 

If I had a point (which I am pretty sure I do not), it is this is a damn fine bird. Damn fine.

Honest doc, I will start that low sodium business... after Thanksgiving.

Resources:
5 quarts plus more cold water

1 1/4  cup Kosher salt (plus more for seasoning)

1 cup sugar

1/4 cup yellow mustard seeds

1/4 cup dried chopped onion

2 tablespoons caraway seeds (in two spice bags)

2 tablespoons black peppercorns,lightly crushed

2 tablespoons juniper berries, lightly crushed

6 bay leaves

(1) 18-pound turkey (less neck and giblets)

2 1/2 cups (2) bottles Riesling

1 large onion, quartered

1 head garlic, cloves separated but not peeled

3 tablespoons all-purpose flour

2 1/2 cups low-sodium chicken broth (or if you are motivated make your own turkey stock)

Pepper 

Method:
About one week before turkey day, begin thawing the turkey in the fridge (see Butterball's thawing calculator, but keep in mind you need extra thawed days for brining).

About three days before turkey day, in a large pot, bring 4 cups of the water to a boil. Bag the caraway seeds half each in two spice bags (bagging is optional, ie you can just throw them in if you like). Add 1 1/4 cups of kosher salt, the sugar, mustard seeds, dried onion, the bagged caraway seeds, peppercorns, juniper berries and bay leaves. Stir to dissolve the salt and sugar completely. Remove the pot from the heat. 

Line a large stockpot or bucket with 2 very large, sturdy plastic bags (make sure they are unscented trash bags). Put the turkey into the bags, neck first. Pour the warm brine over the turkey. Add 1 1/2 cups of the Riesling and 4 quarts of the cold water. Seal the bags; press out as much air as possible. Refrigerate.

On turkey day, preheat the oven to 350°. Drain the turkey, scraping off the spices, then transfer it to a large roasting pan and let it return to room temperature. Discard the brine. 

Add the quartered onion, the garlic and 1 cup of the water to the pan and roast the turkey for 1 1/2 hours. Add water has necessary to keep the base of the pan moist (eventually the fat will do that for you). Roast for about 1 1/2 hours longer, or until an instant-read thermometer inserted into an inner thigh registers 165°. Cover the breast loosely with foil during the last hour of roasting to prevent it from browning too quickly. 

Transfer the turkey to a cutting board. Strain the pan juices into a measuring cup and skim off the fat; reserve 3 tablespoons of the fat. In a bowl, mix the reserved fat with the flour until a paste forms. 

Set the roasting pan over 2 burners and heat until sizzling. Add the remaining 1 cup of Riesling and bring to a simmer over moderately high heat, scraping up any browned bits from the bottom and sides of the pan. Strain the wine into a medium saucepan and boil until reduced to 1/4 cup, about 5 minutes. Add the stock and the reserved pan juices and bring to a boil. Whisk in the flour paste and simmer over moderate heat until the gravy thickens slightly and no floury taste remains, about 10 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Carve the turkey and serve with the Riesling gravy on the side.

Commentary: 

This is no small amount of effort. That said while it is a lot of work, it is not hard work (well except maybe carving the bird). This does not require any special skills or tools (unless you count roast pans and buckets). Anybody can do this bird. Just take your time and double check things as you go.

No small amount of space either.

Come to think of it, it is not small amount of anything really.

Make sure you have unscented trash bags or you will be a last minute grocery run like me.

I decided Lysol was not the turkey flavor I was going for.

Speaking of effort, do not get lazy on the "scraping off the spice" part. This is a lot of effort, but it is worth the effort to not bite into these spices later.

Beautiful bald birdy.

The gravy is the best part of this meal. Do not skip it (as I have foolishly done). Serve with mashed potatoes (duh, gravy), on the turkey, on sandwiches of left over turkey, snort it, hell bathe in the damn stuff. Just do NOT skip it. It is simply my favorite part of this meal.

Juniper berries are the only ingredient you cannot get at the grocery store (well at least before I moved to the Puritanical hell that is Pennsylvania, where they only sell wine and unionized, government run stores). Amazon has them, as does Penzeys.

This part stinks by the way. As in it actually smells bad. Windows are your friend.

Conclusion:
Absolutely to die for. Simply amazing. Skip the boring turkey, do not bother to fry your turkey, and brine that SOB!

Now how do you like them apples?

Applesauce bitch. Alright. Obligatory pop culture reference out of the way, let us move on.

A few weeks back the wifey wanted to go apple picking. While I was tempted to question what was wrong with the apples at the grocery, I decided it was best to just go along with this one. 

So now we have a metric crap ton of apples. 

The largest of all of the crap tons.

Also I never miss an opportunity to remind Mrs. Rubber Ducky what will happen to her if she does not keep in line!

So as the family chef, I was tasked with finding something to do with all these apples. 

Baby Applesuace

Resources:
1 apple
1 tablespoon water

Method:
Core, skin, and cut the apple into chunks (about a dozen chucks per apple worked nicely). 

Add the chunks and water to a pot. Cover. Simmer for 10-15 minutes.

Baby food recipes? Am I really that desperate for things to blog about? Or has parenthood reduced my brain to the consistency of applesauce? You decide!

Drain. Food processor the ever living hell out of them.

Voilà. Your baby is living the puréed dream.

Honestly, picking the a spoon was the hardest part of this whole process.

Commentary:
It is applesauce for a baby. What do you want?

Since I am not supposed to put pictures of my child on the internet this is what you get: hands. Are you happy paranoid mommy brigade!?!?! 
BTW I really am feeding him in this picture, you just cannot tell. We are both holding the spoon. It is really quite adorable... not that you will ever know.

Apple Pie
Resources:
6 cups cored, skinned, and thinly sliced apples (about 7-8 small apples)
1 tablespoon lemon juice (or less to taste)
3/4 cup sugar
2 tablespoons flour
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon nutmeg
1 store bought pie rust (graham cracker)
3 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup flour

Method
Boil the apples for 10-15 minutes. Drain. Sprinkle with lemon juice.

Preheat to the oven to 375°.

Mix sugar (table not the brown sugar), 2 tablespoons flour, cinnamon, and nutmeg in a large bowl. Transfer the apples to that bowl and mix thoroughly. Pour into the pie crust.

Using a pastry blender, combine the butter, brown sugar, and 1/2 cup flour. Mix until it resembles course crumbs. 

Evenly top the pie with the as many of the crumbs (the more the better IMHO) as desired. Cover the edges of the pie pan with foil.

Bake for 25 minutes. Remove foil. Bake for 25 minutes more or until the top is golden brown and the desired consistency.

Commentary
As I skinned and sliced the apples, I stored them in cold water to avoid excessive browning. I am not sure if this was in any way worth while since they are being used in a brown sauce. Oh well, it made me feel fancy.

Oh you are going to judge me for using a store bought crust? Really!?! Have you made pie crust? Let me tell you there are few convenience items I use when cooking. Pie crusts are boring and tedious to make so totally worth it.

I like my apple pie applies to have the next to no consistency left. So I boiled. If you like a little more crunch, lay off the boiling. In fact that kind of has me wondering what my pie would be like if I puréed that too.

The "crumbs" did not turn out to be very consistent. So I kind of mashed it into a paste with my fingers, then separated it into pieces as I saw fit. I did not use all of it though. Once I could not see apple anymore, I added a few more for good measure, and quit. The topping was so delicious.

The pie recipe is from Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book. If I have not plugged this before, I am going to do it now (or again). That is one of the best cook books I own for being basic and comprehensive. Everybody has to start someplace and this is a hell of a good place if you ask me. It has a couple intro chapters and cooking in general and then is packed with all the classic recipes you could want.

Conclusion:
Pie is awesome (duh). I did not eat the apple sauce but baby liked it.

Halloween Books

Wait... this is not food!

I love Halloween. Always have. It is the only holiday that has stood the test of time for me. As a kid: FREE CANDY! As a teen: free candy and it is the flirtiest holiday by far. College/young adult: even more flirty and an excuse to drink in a costume instead of my regular cloths. Adult: trick or treat, decorating the house with gore (any other time of the year that seems inappropriate). And of course I have always loved horror/monster movies and this is the time they are sale!

So today we are going to do something a little different. This is supposed to be a domestic blog, I should occasionally talk about something other than cooking right?

The wifey and I are readers. While I am a fucking casual compared to her, it is something we both enjoy. Since we both enjoy it, we damn well intend to brain wash the little one into liking it too. What is the point of having a little one if you cannot manipulate them into thinking like you?

So today I am going to give my commentary on some books for babies/small child that are Halloween themed. We will review based on key factors: is it Halloween worthy, age range, does it have a story, art quality, and rhyming. Then I'll follow with my, oh so insightful, commentary.

Not Actually Halloween worthy books, that you might think are Halloween worthy:

A Day With Monster 2/5

Age recommendation per Amazon: undefined (as young as you want IMHO)
Does it have a story: No
Art quality: NA (if I were to these call photos of a felt "monster" art, it would be an insult to the talented illustrators of some of these other books)
Does it rhyme: No

Replace the word monster with rabbit, dog, or three toed sloth and the book would not change. Hence not Halloweeny. 

Also this book just describes a typically adult day (except instead of sitting on your ass watching TV for an hour, it is “play music with friends” or something along those lines). My child will have to face the monotonous horror that is professional life in due time. There’s no need to subject him to it any earlier than necessary.

Maybe that monotonous horror does make it scary enough for Halloween...

Also I have to include the wifey's two cents: she loves this one. But she married me, so her taste is questionable at best.

Little Owl's Night 3/5
Age recommendation per Amazon: undefined (as young as you want IMHO)
Does it have a story: Ish
Art quality: Solid, high contrast stuff
Does it rhyme: No

A young owl learns about what the creatures of the forest do at night. I enjoyed the art, but the lack of a solid narrative kind of let me down.

It is not Halloween themed, so much as night themed. 

Now if those beavers were gnawing on your face, maybe then it would  Halloween  worthy.

Halloween worthy books:

One, Two... Boo! 1/5
Age recommendation per Amazon: undefined (as young as you want IMHO)
Does it have a story: No
Art quality: fine
Does it rhyme: No

I know this is just a counting book with "windows". This is a waste of cardboard in my book. I will not dignify it with further commentary.

Runaway Mummy 3/5
Age recommendation per Amazon: 3 - 5 years
Does it have a story: Yes
Art quality: Amaz-balls awesome
Does it rhyme: No

This is a parody of another book that I have not read. It suffers for that. I would probably give this book two, but the art is some of the best I have seen in children's books Halloween or not. 

The story is a young mummy describing the things he will do to run away from his mother. She then counters with how she will still love him in the situation. Spoiler: his final form is suburban life and his mother is horrified. I am not sure if that is a message I love sharing.

Why does the wifey keep saying I am going to give the little one nightmares?

Ten Timid Ghosts: 4/5
Age recommendation per Amazon: 4 - 8 years
Does it have a story: Yes
Art quality: unremarkable, looks like a Scholastic book (which it is)
Does it rhyme: Yes

Ten ghosts battle a witch for ownership of a house? Now that is a Halloween book! 

I am no early childhood education expert, but this was a pretty simply book. 4-8 years seems high in my opinion.

Goodnight Goon 4/5
Age recommendation per Amazon: 1 - 3 years
Does it have a story: Ish

Art quality: fun, cartoony monstery, a good match to the story.
Does it rhyme: Yes

This is my go to read. It is short, but it is more than a handful of words describing things (See A Day With Monster). This is a parody of Goodnight Moon, but it works as a stand a lone. A little werewolf monster is saying goodnight to everything in his house, while a pesky goon wrecks the place. 

Aside: I thought goon was an offensive term for a someone or another. Five seconds on Google got me nothing though, so I guess I am wrong.

Room on the Broom 5/5

Age recommendation per Amazon: 3 - 7 years
Does it have a story: Yes
Art quality: Good
Does it rhyme: Yes

A solid read. A witch flies around dropping stuff and making friends in the process. Her friends then help her overcome a problem in a compelling climax!

Creepy Carrots! 5/5
Age recommendation per Amazon: 4 - 8 years
Does it have a story: Yes
Art quality: Awesome. Perfect for Halloween.
Does it rhyme: No

This is my personal favorite! This is in glorious black and white except for the monsters, ie carrots. This is also arguably the best story among these books. There is plot and development and such. That (in my experience) is in short supply in children's books.

A rabbit is convinced that the carrots he eats everyday are out for revenge. Are they really? Is it just his imagination? Find out in this excellent book!

Cute AND creepy? I will take it!

In conclusion, I hope my detour from the usual was at least mildly interesting. I am already working on a post for my favorite turkey recipe, so I we be back on food before you know it!

Caribbean Jerk Sauce (Buffalo Wild Wings Copycat)

The uncoated piece is my control. Because science and shit... or I was impatient. Which ever came first.

I am back. Now the wifey and I have a baby of our very own. It has been nearly four months and we have not stewed, roasted, baked or boiled the child! I am told you cannot do that until they are a year old.

To fricassee or ragout?

Aside: we are about two months off before I start blogging baby food stuff. You have been warned.

Anyway, today I stayed home sick with an upset stomach. It has been so bad, I actually went to the doctor. So naturally I had to try something new and spicy. Spicy food calms the stomach right?

Resources:
1 tablespoon canola oil
2 tablespoons minced onion
1 cup water
3/4 cup ketchup
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons brown sugar
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar (I used sherry as I was out of cider vinegar)
2 tablespoons white vinegar
2 tablespoons cayenne sauce (I used Frank’s)
2 teaspoons black pepper
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1 1/2 teaspoons cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon dried parsley
1 teaspoon corn starch
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1/4 teaspoon onion powder
1/8 teaspoon ground clove
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon allspice
1/8 teaspoon sage

Method:
Mix all ingredients in a food processor. Move to a bot and simmer twenty-thirty minutes until thickened.

Commentary:
Do not let the long list of ingredients fool you. This is as simple as they come. Mix, simmer, and serve.

Also as noted, I substituted cooking sherry for cider vinegar because that is what I had.

So I used the small food processor. Bad idea. Very slimy, messy, bad idea.

I am supposed to keep the food INSIDE the food processor?
It did not say that anywhere in the instructions.

I lightly breaded some chicken (flour, salt, and pepper, fry in canola until cooked through) and then submerged the chicken in the sauce.

Also perfect for any tar and feathering you need to do!

Conclusion:
A little sweat, a little ketchup-y but really tasty and spicy! I am racking my brain for more things to put this on because it was GOOD. It might go on tonight's pizza in fact.

That said it is not an excellent copycat recipe. It tasted similar, but not the same.