Cheesy Swedish Meatball Bake

So let us get this out of the way: FUCK Tastemade. A fb page (who I shall not mention for fear of associated them with these schmucks) reposted their video. And thus began a journey...

A blurry journey apparently.

The still before the video looked tasty, so I watched the video. It looked really good (the word Gruyère always gets me excited even if I cannot pronounce it) but no specifics. No link to the recipe either. No comments with the recipe. Nothing.

Now depending on the day's solar flare activity, the relative humidity in Johannesburg, and the frequency of the letter "L" in headlines that day, it is about 50/50 if I would have walked away or continued. That day there was just enough "L"s to continue. I posted for help. I tried their fb page and I could not find the original post. I tried their webpage. It just wanted me to install some app, which is a pet peeve of mine so no. A few hours later somebody replied with this mess "Type the recipe name in the fb search bar. It'll give you a couple recipes. One of them says full recipe. Click on it and the video comes up, but, on the right is a link to the recipe." I tried to follow these instructions, I really did because at this point I was commited. Anyway a few more hours pass by and someone replies with a link. I click the link and low and behold it is the same DAMN VIDEO but on their website instead of fb!!! I was about to give up and luckily I noticed a print button just below the video. I clicked on that and I PDF'ed the recipe. Which brings us to today.

Resources:
1 pound ground beef
1 pound ground turkey
1/2 cup panko breadcrumbs
2 large eggs
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon allspice
Salt and pepper to taste
2 cups egg noodles, cooked
1/2 cup Gruyère cheese, shredded

6 tablespoons butter
4 tablespoons all-purpose flour
3 cups beef broth
1/2 cup heavy cream
Salt to taste

Method:
In a large bowl, combine ground meats, panko, eggs, melted butter and
seasonings. Roll mixture into balls.

In a skillet on medium-high heat, cook meatballs in olive oil, until browned on all
sides. Transfer to a paper towel-lined tray and set aside.

Prepare the gravy. In the same skillet, melt butter and whisk in the flour until
lightly browned. Slowly pour in the beef broth while whisking continuously. Keep
whisking and cooking until slightly thickened. Stir in the heavy cream and season
with salt and pepper.

Place meatballs in the gravy and simmer for about 3 to 4 minutes.

Cook egg noodles to al dente and drain. In a baking dish, mix noodles together
with meatballs and gravy. Sprinkle with shredded Gruyère cheese.

Bake at 375 degrees F until slightly golden and bubbling. 

Commentary:
I refuse to link to these jakovasaurs. I cited my source, that is all they get.

And Darth Vader Mr. Potato Head went to pieces when I asked him to help! 

I fried the meat in two batches because it was a lot a meat.

Scalding but tasty

I made one radical change: ground turkey was supposed to be ground pork. I have no regrets. The turkey made the meatballs "lighter" than I think pork would have. I think it was a really pleasant change and would probably stick with it in future go.

A few things I would change in the future. This needs more egg noodles and cheese. I would go as far as to say double both.I used a 9x13 pan. I would use something smaller next time. The cheese kind of disappeared due to the large surface area.

The leftovers kept really well. This could easily be a meal prep Sunday kind of recipe.

Conclusion:
I get it, we all have to get paid. Seriously though, fuck Tastemade and anyone else who "posts" recipes and then make you jump through this shit. If your business model involves making my life more difficult: I hate you, your children, your children's children, their pet dog, your favorite holiday, and the color of the shirt you were wearing the day you made the post.

But the meatballs were pretty good... but not great.

Alsatian-Brined Turkey with Riesling Gravy

Mmm. Bird

Mmm. LOTS of bird.

  
Story time! 

Back in the fall of 2004, I was straight out of college. My undergraduate fraternity was doing a magazine fund raiser. While I was tempted to point out that what a horrible fundraiser it was (which I assumed was a lesson we all learned back in the sixth grade), I bought a couple magazines to be supportive instead. Because I am a nice guy like or I felt horribly obligated. One of the two.

Having subscribed ever since, Food & Wine has been a huge part of culinary growth and this was in one of the first issues I received. I find the magazine strikes an excellent balance in my opinion. There are interesting and challenging recipes like today's. That said, most of the time I get most or all of the ingredients at the larger chain groceries and I do not need to special kitchen utensils. 

If I had a point (which I am pretty sure I do not), it is this is a damn fine bird. Damn fine.

Honest doc, I will start that low sodium business... after Thanksgiving.

Resources:
5 quarts plus more cold water

1 1/4  cup Kosher salt (plus more for seasoning)

1 cup sugar

1/4 cup yellow mustard seeds

1/4 cup dried chopped onion

2 tablespoons caraway seeds (in two spice bags)

2 tablespoons black peppercorns,lightly crushed

2 tablespoons juniper berries, lightly crushed

6 bay leaves

(1) 18-pound turkey (less neck and giblets)

2 1/2 cups (2) bottles Riesling

1 large onion, quartered

1 head garlic, cloves separated but not peeled

3 tablespoons all-purpose flour

2 1/2 cups low-sodium chicken broth (or if you are motivated make your own turkey stock)

Pepper 

Method:
About one week before turkey day, begin thawing the turkey in the fridge (see Butterball's thawing calculator, but keep in mind you need extra thawed days for brining).

About three days before turkey day, in a large pot, bring 4 cups of the water to a boil. Bag the caraway seeds half each in two spice bags (bagging is optional, ie you can just throw them in if you like). Add 1 1/4 cups of kosher salt, the sugar, mustard seeds, dried onion, the bagged caraway seeds, peppercorns, juniper berries and bay leaves. Stir to dissolve the salt and sugar completely. Remove the pot from the heat. 

Line a large stockpot or bucket with 2 very large, sturdy plastic bags (make sure they are unscented trash bags). Put the turkey into the bags, neck first. Pour the warm brine over the turkey. Add 1 1/2 cups of the Riesling and 4 quarts of the cold water. Seal the bags; press out as much air as possible. Refrigerate.

On turkey day, preheat the oven to 350°. Drain the turkey, scraping off the spices, then transfer it to a large roasting pan and let it return to room temperature. Discard the brine. 

Add the quartered onion, the garlic and 1 cup of the water to the pan and roast the turkey for 1 1/2 hours. Add water has necessary to keep the base of the pan moist (eventually the fat will do that for you). Roast for about 1 1/2 hours longer, or until an instant-read thermometer inserted into an inner thigh registers 165°. Cover the breast loosely with foil during the last hour of roasting to prevent it from browning too quickly. 

Transfer the turkey to a cutting board. Strain the pan juices into a measuring cup and skim off the fat; reserve 3 tablespoons of the fat. In a bowl, mix the reserved fat with the flour until a paste forms. 

Set the roasting pan over 2 burners and heat until sizzling. Add the remaining 1 cup of Riesling and bring to a simmer over moderately high heat, scraping up any browned bits from the bottom and sides of the pan. Strain the wine into a medium saucepan and boil until reduced to 1/4 cup, about 5 minutes. Add the stock and the reserved pan juices and bring to a boil. Whisk in the flour paste and simmer over moderate heat until the gravy thickens slightly and no floury taste remains, about 10 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Carve the turkey and serve with the Riesling gravy on the side.

Commentary: 

This is no small amount of effort. That said while it is a lot of work, it is not hard work (well except maybe carving the bird). This does not require any special skills or tools (unless you count roast pans and buckets). Anybody can do this bird. Just take your time and double check things as you go.

No small amount of space either.

Come to think of it, it is not small amount of anything really.

Make sure you have unscented trash bags or you will be a last minute grocery run like me.

I decided Lysol was not the turkey flavor I was going for.

Speaking of effort, do not get lazy on the "scraping off the spice" part. This is a lot of effort, but it is worth the effort to not bite into these spices later.

Beautiful bald birdy.

The gravy is the best part of this meal. Do not skip it (as I have foolishly done). Serve with mashed potatoes (duh, gravy), on the turkey, on sandwiches of left over turkey, snort it, hell bathe in the damn stuff. Just do NOT skip it. It is simply my favorite part of this meal.

Juniper berries are the only ingredient you cannot get at the grocery store (well at least before I moved to the Puritanical hell that is Pennsylvania, where they only sell wine and unionized, government run stores). Amazon has them, as does Penzeys.

This part stinks by the way. As in it actually smells bad. Windows are your friend.

Conclusion:
Absolutely to die for. Simply amazing. Skip the boring turkey, do not bother to fry your turkey, and brine that SOB!