Beef Stew

I have skipped ahead several cookbooks to Cooking with Wine for today's entry. I know, I know I said I would not do that, but this was for the greater good of mankind!

Mmm. Tasty greater good.

Daycare does a meal train for people in need. One of the families in our classroom just had a kid and asked for stews. I could literally could not say no! Ok... not literally or even figuratively really, but I like beef stew. I went through a dozen or so cookbooks before I found the right recipe. So without further ado Mother's Old Fashioned Beef Stew or simply beef stew.

Resourses:

3 tablespoons flour
Salt / pepper to taste
3 lbs beef cut into 1 1/2" cubes
2 tablespoons butter
1 1/2 tablespoons beef fat
2 cloves garlic, peeled
1 1/2 onion (I used Vidalia), sliced
1 1/2 teaspoon marjoram, powdered
2 bay leaves
3 cups beef stock
2 1/4 red wine (I used a cheap Cabernet Sauvignon)
6 turnips, 3/4" cubed
9 carrots, ~1/2" sliced
6 potatoes, 3/4" cubed (I used larger baking potatoes)
1 1/2 fresh flat parsley, chopped
1 1/2 teaspoon thyme (pretty sure I forgot this)
18 small white onions (I wanted pearl but couldn't find them), peeled

Method:
Put flour in a bowl and season with salt and pepper. Mix. A few at a time drag the beef cubes through and coat on all sides. Refill as necessary.

Heat butter and fat in a stock pot. A few at a time brown beef cubes on all sides. When browned move to a plate or bowl to capture the juices. Add butter/fat as needed. Deglaze the pot with the wine, scrapping up all the bits. Add remaining wine, garlic, sliced onions, parsley, beef cubes, parsley, marjoram, bay leaves, and stock. Simmer for one and a half hours.

Add carrots, potatoes, small white onions, and turnips. Continue to simmer until the vegetables are tender, about two hours. Add salt and pepper to taste.

Commentary:
So I have moderately modified this recipe. The original was more or less 2/3rds the above, but I tweaked a few numbers.

One I did not modify was the extra large bottle of cheap wine.

I did not limit the excessive amount of meat either. 

This is from a Holland House cookbook. For those unfamiliar Holland House makes those cheap salted cooking wines available at the grocery. They're my go to sherry and Marsala. That said, I wanted to go with drinking wine not cooking wine (so I could drink it, duh). As a result I was pretty generous with the salt to taste part.

This is basically a commercial in book form.

Before I really got into making the recipe, I trimmed the fat and rendered it to get the fat needed.

I am just being practical.

Conclusion:
Next time a family in need needs stew count me in for this one!

Sopa de Ajo

Round two: SPICY!*

1,001 Best Hot and Spicy Recipes is next on my shelves and that presents a problem that will pop up a handful of times during this process. The wifey is not a super adventurous eater. We eat mountains of chickens because we both despise the filthy beasts... er I mean we both like chicken. But she does not like stew/soup (with the exception of her mother's matzo ball soup) or beef. She flat out refuses anything spicy or pork. So while today's recipe is not really that spicy, it was made just for me. Which is why I picked a soup.

Resources:
1 1/2 teaspoons olive oil
1 tablespoon butter
5 large cloves garlic, peeled and minced.
1 aji chile, stems and seeds removed (or yellow wax hot or jalapeño)
2 cups chicken stock (I used some very flavorful homemade stuff)
Salt, to taste
Pepper, to taste
2 large eggs, beaten
1 tablespoon finely grated Romano cheese (I used Parmesan)
1 teaspoon parsley

Method:
In a heavy pot, heat oil and butter over medium heat. Add the garlic and sauté, quickly stirring in the flour. Stir until the garlic begins to brown. Add the chiles, stock, salt, pepper, eggs, and cheese and mix well. Bring to boil, the reduce the heat to medium and cook, covered, for 15 minutes. If desired strain the soup. Serve hot, garnished with the parsley.

Commentary:
* - The reports of a high spice level have been greatly exaggerated. That is to say: this shit ain't spicy at all.

This was one meal sized serving (for me) by the way. Multiple as appropriate.

"If desired strain the soup." I was leery of this step, but went with it. I am glad I did. Despite my best efforts some of the egg had resulted in large blobs. After straining it only itty bitty pieces of egg were in there. It was a nice smooth texture as a result.

As a texture person, this probably saved this recipe from disaster for me.

So for better or for worse, I substituted cheeses because I had a half a block of good Parmesan in my fridge. One must be frugal after all.

Also I could only find jalapeño at my grocery. I stemmed and seeded it, but wanting some heat I added a few seeds back in. It did not make any difference only adding a few much to my disappointment.

Pictured: not enough seeds to make the slightest difference.

Conclusion:
Taste = great. Gas = super stinky. Seriously, not to get overly personal but my gas usually is not too bad. This however made my butt toxic! I might make this again next time I am home alone!

Mark's Thighs

[insert product placement here]

We are living dangerously (again)! Today's recipe is a Archduke Domestic ORIGINAL. That is right folks prepare yourselves to be wowed with an entirely unoriginal original recipe that I, your humble guide, wrote!

So what inspired this risqué move? Well let us put on our memory caps folks! Remember my Pressure Cooker Sauerbraten (which I really need to make again come to think of it) post from a while back? That was fun and all, but it was not exactly something I was going to make on any regularity. On top of that, I had been looking to break out my chicken breast rut (as you might have noticed by my two chicken thigh recipes earlier this year). So that led me down a path of quick easy and minimal special ingredients.

Resources:

4 chicken thighs (bone in, skin on)

(1) 14 1/2 ounce can chicken broth

1 tablespoon lemon juice

1/8 teaspoon of pepper

2 cloves garlic, peeled

2 tablespoons plain bread crumbs

1 tablespoon Parmesan cheese (fresh or Kraft)

1 teaspoon-ish season salt (see commentary)

Method:

Mix the chicken broth, lemon juice, garlic, and pepper in the pressure cooker. Add chicken thighs.

Bring to pressure and cook 15 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through. 

While cooking mix the bread crumbs, Parmesan, and season salt in a bowl.

Safely release pressure. Line a broiler safe pan or tray with foil. Roll each chicken thigh in the bread crumb mix. Place skin up on the pan. 

Turn on the broiler of your oven (do not preheat). Broil thighs until lightly browned (to taste).

Commentary:

This is about five minutes of active cooking and another twenty-five of passive. Other than having to remember to buy/thaw chicken thighs ahead of time, I have everything in my house. This is the penultimate weeknight recipe (nothing will ever surpass the ease and speed of chicken and cheese quesadillas). Any given Tuesday or Wednesday you can expect this to be made in the ol' Sutcliffe household.

This also comes out pretty salty if I use a full teaspoon. But I like it that way. So I would not begrudge anyone for using less.

Conclusion:

This is "not wow the boss convincing him to give you that much deserved raise" recipe... That raise you need to buy that amazing investment property that is not on the market yet. That you have an inside track on, you just need the money. If get the raise, you get the property, and you would be set. One simple raise and it is smooth sailing from then on. Why cannot he see you deserve it more than that jackass Jenkins. He is nothing but a talentless brown noser who just happened to have gone to the same alma mater as the boss. Why cannot he see it!!! WHY???

Er... excuse me. I mean this is a lovely and simple recipe for a quick and pleasant dinner, but not exactly haute cuisine.

Middle Eastern Herb and Garlic Chicken

Well hello there! Long time no see. <insert obligatory President Trump joke> How are the kids? Oh Susie got the lead in the school play? Well that is just fantastic. Good for her. I am sure it will be the best Annie Get Your Gun the high school theater has ever done!

Aside: are high schools even allowed to do Annie Get Your Gun these days? I mean it is a classic, but guns are bad m'kay.

Anyway, now that we have caught up after my long absence, let us dive into a recipe that I had pretty mixed feelings about. (I really know how to make a come back!)

My mom says I have INNER beauty, which she says is the best type of beauty.

So today we have a bit of an odd ball. The recipe below is how I made it. But I have noted how I will make it next time (and there may or may not be a next time). And if you have far too much free time I linked the slightly different original.

I got this recipe from the New York Times at some point. Probably from their daily briefings emails. Maybe I should ask those guys if the local high school theater can do Annie...

Resources:

5 boneless skinless chicken thighs

6 garlic cloves, minced

Juice and zest of 2 lemons (or 1 if following my commentary)

3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, more to taste

2 tablespoons minced dried parsley

1 1/2 teaspoons ground thyme

1 teaspoon oregano

1 1/2 teaspoons kosher salt, more to taste

1 tablespoon sesame seeds, more to taste

2/3 cup plain Greek yogurt (delete if following my commentary)

1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

Method:

Combine chicken with all but 1 teaspoon of the grated garlic (save that teaspoon for the yogurt sauce), the zest and juice of 1 lemon, oil, parsley, thyme, oregano, the salt, and the sesame seeds. Cover and marinate for 30 minutes at room temperature.

Preheat the broiler. Arrange a rack 3 to 4 inches from the heat. Line a rimmed baking sheet with foil and spread chicken out in a single layer. Broil chicken, turning halfway through cooking, until well colored and charred in spots, 4 to 7 minutes per side. Be careful that it doesn’t burn, but is cooked through.

While chicken cooks, place yogurt in a small bowl. Stir in the reserved grated garlic and lemon zest and season to taste with salt. (Or, you know, do not. Whatever works for you.)

Serve the chicken drizzled to taste with olive oil, remaining lemon juice to taste, black pepper, and sesame seeds with the yogurt alongside for dipping.

Commentary:
In short: SKIP THE SAUCE. The yogurt sauce was terrible. It was nothing but a overpowering lemon flavor. Seriously even using the sauce extremely sparingly it was too much. The wifey scraped what little she used of it off (luckily I served it separate). I made repeated disappointing attempts to use it in smaller and smaller quantities. Just ditch it. When you do that, you have a pretty solid recipe.

Now that I have said this, there may have been a chance I messed up the sauce (I think the juice of lemon #2 was in the yogurt). Still the chicken was great, so stop arguing with me and just make the chicken darn it!

It looks pretty while marinading. Just not so much in it's final form.

My grocery did not have boneless skinless chicken thighs that I could find and I was too lazy to ask. So I bought bone-in thighs complete with skin. With patience and a good knife, it was not too bad to convert the desired condition myself. That said I feel like the net effort of not asking, then de-boning was a loss.

Conclusion:
Chicken: awesome. Sauce: <gag>.

Slow Cooker Garlic Ale Roast Beef Sandwiches

Apple shown for artistic reasons. What is artistic about an apple? Hell if I know, but damnit I did not take a picture without the apple so I need to make up some bs excuse... Er, I mean just leave me alone. You just do not understand my art!

One cool think about being on social media with your hobbies is people share. Before I had an social media cooking presence, I would get the occasional recipe from my mother. Once in a blue moon, I would get a cookbook as a gift. These days on the other hand, I get recipes, tips, hat tips, etc. on a regular basis.

So a week or two back my mother-in-law send me a recipe. At the time it sounded good, but I did not expect to make it. The wifey is not a huge beef person (as you may have previously noticed we eat a lot of chicken). Well I realized I had a roast in the freezer that was getting a little old.

So I decided to make this anyway and split it into a week's worth of lunches. This is a great "Sunday meal prep" kind of recipe. It is fairly low effort. It makes enough for several meals. It was pretty cheap for me too as I usually buy roasts when they are on sale and it does not need to be a great cut.

Waiting is the hardest part!

Resources:
1 two-pound beef roast (a larger roast is fine if your slow cooker is bigger than mine)
season salt
black pepper
5 garlic cloves
1 red onion, sliced
1 cup Italian dressing (I used Olive Garden)
1 cup lite/light beer (Kentucky Kölsch, IC Lite, Hudy Delight, or in my case Miller Lite <shudder>)
2 bay leaves
2 teaspoons cornstarch

Method:
Sprinkle both sides of the roast with season salt and pepper. Place the roast into a slow cooker. Place the garlic cloves, bay leaves, and the red onion on top of the roast. Then pour the Italian dressing and beer over the roast.

Cover and cook on low for 10 hours (or 6 on high). Stir once half way through.

Discard bay leaves. Trim the fat and then shred the meat with 2 forks, smash the garlic with the back of a fork and stir the garlic into the shredded meat. Separate the onions and add to the meat as desired.

Strain about a three cups (I winged this part) of the juices to a pot and heat over high heat. Stirring frequently. Once a rolling boil is achieved, mix two teaspoons cornstarch with two teaspoons of water. Mix until a paste forms. Add to the boiling mixture. Continue to stir until the sauce becomes thick (five or ten minutes based on taste). Pour the sauce over the meat and onions.

Serve on bread with toasted cheese. This made me four hearty sandwiches.

Commentary:

I modified this recipe from the original a bit. The broad strokes are the same, but the some of the details are not. The link is above if you feel like noting the details. The big change is I added the sauce back in.

Creative license.

Do not be afraid to be generous with the season salt and pepper. I know nobody wants to over salt their food, but this is a big slab o' meat!

Look at that meat!

I will mention I specified the beer and Italian dressing. Why? Those can make a HUGE difference. Not all Italian dressings are even remotely the same. Plus I could I have used the bottle of Yards Poor Richard's Tavern Spruce I had lying around, but I did not want my roast to taste like a pine cone. 

I really hate when recipes do not specify beer. At least give me a general style. Nope, not here. Original recipe: "use your favorite". What kind of lazy writing is that? Seriously what kind of stupid advice is that anyway?!? No other ingredient would people say that. This recipe needs some vegetables. "Use your favorite"! Because there is no difference between broccoli or celery or a potato. Meat? Sure, "use your favorite" because a salmon fillet is interchangeable with brisket or a pork sausage. Can you tell this really annoys me?

While we are on the topic of the original recipe: when did a slider become a generic term for a small sandwich. Some of you may be thinking where did this come from? Well I edited out the word slider from the original recipe. A slider is a WHITE CASTLE HAMBURGER or equivalent. The original is a small sandwich. Goddamn heathens.

And another thing: what is wrong the <generation>? Why do they not understand that <problem> can be fixed simply by <over simplification of problem>?!?

Phew. Glad I got that off my chest!

Honestly there's not much to this recipe. Do no over think this one. Meat, seasoning, and sauce go in a slow cooker. Cook. Shred. Eat.

Conclusion:

Good stuff. Do not skip the sauce/onions step though. The onions took on a very different flavor and the three together really made this a winner.

Crispy Tofu and Ginger Dressing with Bagged Asian Salad

You might think this is healthy, but you do not see the pool of dressing from this angle.

The wifey, the kiddo, and I have moved. Woo. Home ownership. American dream. Ra, ra, and other stuff. 

Pro: I have a kitchen that is much larger and my own. Con: this thing.

Small AND uneven heat, what is not to love?

So cooking anything beyond frozen food or three/four item recipes has been limited. But we are all moved in now (read about fifty percent of boxes are unpacked). 

Walking through the grocery the other day I decided I needed to get my mojo back with an IMPULSE PURCHASE!!! ..of tofu. Um? Behold me being risqué? 


Resources:
Tofu:
14 oz block of extra firm tofu
6 tablespoons (3/8 cup) cornstarch, divided
1 teaspoon salt, divided
peanut oil

Ginger dressing (source):
3 cloves garlic, pressed
2 tablespoons prepared ginger root (not pickled)
3/4 cup olive oil
1/3 cup rice vinegar
1/2 cup soy sauce
3 tablespoons honey

Salad:
Store bought bag of Asian salad mix (get one with crunchies, because yum)

Method:
Tofu:
Remove tofu from packaging. Place between two thick layers of paper towels. Place something heavy on top. (See picture in commentary). Allow to sit for a few.

Mix salt and cornstarch.

Cube tofu to desired size. Toss in the cornstarch/salt mix (do this in two batches).

Heat peanut oil to medium-high. Add coated tofu. Rotate as sides get golden brown. Remove when browned on all sides.

Ginger dressing:
Mix all ingredients.

Microwave until warm, ie the honey is less viscous, and mix again.

Serve warm.

Salad:
PUT SALAD IN BOWL.

POUR DRESSING ON SALAD. Toss that salad.

TOP WITH TOFU.

I IS EXPLAINING SALAD BECAUSE IT ARE HARD.

Commentary:

I did the tofu in two batches of coatings and two batches of frying. The coating started to lump hence the second batch. The frying because of the size of the pan I was using.

I did some reading about cooking tofu online before hand (largely because I bought it and sat on it for a few weeks out of laziness). That is the source of the pressing of the tofu.  Apparently tofu is pretty wet. I really have no idea. I just ran with it. Although if I had literally sat on it for a few weeks, I suppose it would not have been an issue.

Because... the internet TOLD ME TO!!!

I have to admit one of the things that excited me about working with tofu was the idea I could make perfect cubes in great uniformity (I make no apology, I am an engineer damn it). Well I was let down. 

Look at this lumpy non-uniform piece of edible protein!

Make sure the dressing is stored in a container with a solid seal. I had to shake the ever lovin' bejesus out of it. Stirring/whisking just was not cutting it. 

Conclusion:
The tofu was incredibly easy to make and is suitable for all sorts of applications. The salad dressing was a little fussy with the honey melt / general separation. Still it was very good. Plus the whole thing was pretty damn easy. I would give another go. I would consider adding some more crunchy things next time to give it a little more texture. 

Edit:
I'm not the only one who wanted cubed food.

One-Pot Chicken Fajita Pasta

I ate my plate too quickly for pictures. So you get the left overs.

The other day I had one of those awesome "the wifey has a new recipe she wants to try" moments. These are exciting moments in my life.

Sad I know. What can I say, in my mid-thirties I am easily excited.

Well I got my "bitch ass back in the kitchen"! Heck these moments are an excuse for me to blog, drink beer, and play with knives. What is not to love?

Please validate my mid-life-i-ness!

Drinking "Dad" sounds like some crazy viking funeral ritual.

So one of the recipes she sends me is One-Pot Chicken Fajita Pasta. Now this seemed like a trap. The recipe looked potentially spicy and it had red and yellow peppers in it. These are not things she loves. She did try to talk me into switching over to green pepper. I stood strong though. I have made it twice now and both times I have stuck to the the yellow and red peppers.

Resources:
2 tsp olive oil, divied
1 lb boneless, skinless chicken breasts, cut into bite-sized pieces
1 tsp kosher salt, divided
1 1/2 tsp ground cumin, divided
1 tsp paprika, divided
1/2 tsp chili powder, divided
1/2 tsp garlic powder, divided
1 large white onion, sliced
1 large red bell pepper, sliced
1 large yellow bell pepper, sliced
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 cups reduced sodium chicken broth
1 (10-oz) can Mild Ro-Tel Diced Tomatoes & Green Chiles
7 oz pasta
1/2 cup light sour cream
1 scallion, diced (or not if you are forgetful)
2 tablespoons chopped cilantro
1 diced small avocado

One might call this resource intensive. But what do I care, I do not do the grocery shopping!

Method:
Season chicken with 3/4 tsp salt, 1 tsp cumin, 1/2 tsp paprika, 1/4 tsp chili powder and 1/4 tsp garlic powder. In a large deep nonstick skillet, heat 1 teaspoon olive oil over high heat. When the oil is very hot, add the chicken and cook until browned, stirring about 5 to 6 minutes. Transfer to a large bowl and set aside.

Reduce heat to medium, add the remaining teaspoon of olive oil to the skillet. When the oil is hot, add the onions, bell peppers, and remaining 1/4 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp cumin, 1/2 tsp paprika, 1/4 tsp chili powder and 1/4 tsp garlic powder,. Cook, stirring occasionally, until desired softness, about 10-15 minutes. Add minced garlic, and stir until fragrant and well combined, about 30 seconds. Remove from heat and transfer to the bowl with the chicken.

In the same skillet, add the broth, diced tomatoes and uncooked pasta. Stir to combine and bring to a boil, then cover, reduce heat to medium-low, and cook for 15 minutes until pasta is tender and liquid is mostly absorbed. Add the chicken and veggies back into the skillet and stir to combine until heated through, about 2 minutes. Mix in the sour cream and top with scallions, cilantro, and avocado.

Commentary:
The chicken as is it quite enjoyable. That recipe is worth keeping itself.

"Transfer to a large bowl" is a change from the original. They had suggested a plate. I had chicken and peppers ready to fall off my plate in a tasty avalanche of wasted food. Use something better than a plate.

This picture does not capture the mountainous nature.

Round one, I screwed up and added the garlic at the reheat phase. The other time I added it appropriately. I noticed no difference.

Speaking of screw ups, diced scallions are noticeably absent from my pictures. Those missed round one as well. I guess they were a nice addition when fresh for round two. The left overs however you could not even tell they were there. The avocado and scallions really just seem like garnish.

Now the Ro-Tel does add a bit of heat. So that did not go over well. Round two I replaced with a can of diced tomatoes.

Conclusion:
CURSE YOU RO-TEL! CURSE YOU AND YOUR BLACK HEART! This was a total winner until I added that. That made the recipe too spicy for the wifey. The iteration without was good too I suppose.

Alsatian-Brined Turkey with Riesling Gravy

Mmm. Bird

Mmm. LOTS of bird.

  
Story time! 

Back in the fall of 2004, I was straight out of college. My undergraduate fraternity was doing a magazine fund raiser. While I was tempted to point out that what a horrible fundraiser it was (which I assumed was a lesson we all learned back in the sixth grade), I bought a couple magazines to be supportive instead. Because I am a nice guy like or I felt horribly obligated. One of the two.

Having subscribed ever since, Food & Wine has been a huge part of culinary growth and this was in one of the first issues I received. I find the magazine strikes an excellent balance in my opinion. There are interesting and challenging recipes like today's. That said, most of the time I get most or all of the ingredients at the larger chain groceries and I do not need to special kitchen utensils. 

If I had a point (which I am pretty sure I do not), it is this is a damn fine bird. Damn fine.

Honest doc, I will start that low sodium business... after Thanksgiving.

Resources:
5 quarts plus more cold water

1 1/4  cup Kosher salt (plus more for seasoning)

1 cup sugar

1/4 cup yellow mustard seeds

1/4 cup dried chopped onion

2 tablespoons caraway seeds (in two spice bags)

2 tablespoons black peppercorns,lightly crushed

2 tablespoons juniper berries, lightly crushed

6 bay leaves

(1) 18-pound turkey (less neck and giblets)

2 1/2 cups (2) bottles Riesling

1 large onion, quartered

1 head garlic, cloves separated but not peeled

3 tablespoons all-purpose flour

2 1/2 cups low-sodium chicken broth (or if you are motivated make your own turkey stock)

Pepper 

Method:
About one week before turkey day, begin thawing the turkey in the fridge (see Butterball's thawing calculator, but keep in mind you need extra thawed days for brining).

About three days before turkey day, in a large pot, bring 4 cups of the water to a boil. Bag the caraway seeds half each in two spice bags (bagging is optional, ie you can just throw them in if you like). Add 1 1/4 cups of kosher salt, the sugar, mustard seeds, dried onion, the bagged caraway seeds, peppercorns, juniper berries and bay leaves. Stir to dissolve the salt and sugar completely. Remove the pot from the heat. 

Line a large stockpot or bucket with 2 very large, sturdy plastic bags (make sure they are unscented trash bags). Put the turkey into the bags, neck first. Pour the warm brine over the turkey. Add 1 1/2 cups of the Riesling and 4 quarts of the cold water. Seal the bags; press out as much air as possible. Refrigerate.

On turkey day, preheat the oven to 350°. Drain the turkey, scraping off the spices, then transfer it to a large roasting pan and let it return to room temperature. Discard the brine. 

Add the quartered onion, the garlic and 1 cup of the water to the pan and roast the turkey for 1 1/2 hours. Add water has necessary to keep the base of the pan moist (eventually the fat will do that for you). Roast for about 1 1/2 hours longer, or until an instant-read thermometer inserted into an inner thigh registers 165°. Cover the breast loosely with foil during the last hour of roasting to prevent it from browning too quickly. 

Transfer the turkey to a cutting board. Strain the pan juices into a measuring cup and skim off the fat; reserve 3 tablespoons of the fat. In a bowl, mix the reserved fat with the flour until a paste forms. 

Set the roasting pan over 2 burners and heat until sizzling. Add the remaining 1 cup of Riesling and bring to a simmer over moderately high heat, scraping up any browned bits from the bottom and sides of the pan. Strain the wine into a medium saucepan and boil until reduced to 1/4 cup, about 5 minutes. Add the stock and the reserved pan juices and bring to a boil. Whisk in the flour paste and simmer over moderate heat until the gravy thickens slightly and no floury taste remains, about 10 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Carve the turkey and serve with the Riesling gravy on the side.

Commentary: 

This is no small amount of effort. That said while it is a lot of work, it is not hard work (well except maybe carving the bird). This does not require any special skills or tools (unless you count roast pans and buckets). Anybody can do this bird. Just take your time and double check things as you go.

No small amount of space either.

Come to think of it, it is not small amount of anything really.

Make sure you have unscented trash bags or you will be a last minute grocery run like me.

I decided Lysol was not the turkey flavor I was going for.

Speaking of effort, do not get lazy on the "scraping off the spice" part. This is a lot of effort, but it is worth the effort to not bite into these spices later.

Beautiful bald birdy.

The gravy is the best part of this meal. Do not skip it (as I have foolishly done). Serve with mashed potatoes (duh, gravy), on the turkey, on sandwiches of left over turkey, snort it, hell bathe in the damn stuff. Just do NOT skip it. It is simply my favorite part of this meal.

Juniper berries are the only ingredient you cannot get at the grocery store (well at least before I moved to the Puritanical hell that is Pennsylvania, where they only sell wine and unionized, government run stores). Amazon has them, as does Penzeys.

This part stinks by the way. As in it actually smells bad. Windows are your friend.

Conclusion:
Absolutely to die for. Simply amazing. Skip the boring turkey, do not bother to fry your turkey, and brine that SOB!

Slow Cooker Honey Garlic Chicken

Oops! Wrote this a week ago and never posted. Better late than never, right?

It sure it a photogenic meal.

I do not like honey and you can bet if the word "berry" is anywhere in the vicinity of a recipe it is not for me. However for some reason this one spoke to me. Call it fate. Call it kismet. Call it what you will, but as soon as I read this recipe I knew I had to try it.

Resources:
2-3 large bone-in (with skin) chicken breasts (2 1/2 to 3 pounds total)
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup low sodium soy sauce
1/4 cup blackberry jam
1/4 cup hoisin sauce
2 Tablespoons olive oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup diced onion
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes (optional)
1 Tablespoon cornstarch
Sliced scallions, for garnish
Sesame seeds, for garnish

Method:
Arrange the chicken breasts in the slow cooker so that they are not overlapping.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the honey, soy sauce, blackberry jam, hoisin, olive oil, garlic, onion, and crushed red pepper flakes, and then pour the sauce over the chicken. Cover the slow cooker and cook the chicken on low for 4 to 5 hours or until the chicken is fully cooked.

Remove the chicken from the slow cooker (reserving the liquids) and place it on a cutting board. Remove the skin and bones then use two forks to shred the chicken into smaller pieces. Place the shredded chicken in a large bowl.

In a small bowl, whisk together the cornstarch with 3 tablespoons of cold water.

Strain the liquids from the slow cooker into a small saucepan set over medium-high heat and whisk in the cornstarch. Bring the sauce to a boil and cook it until it reduces and has thickened, about 5 minutes (it might have been more honestly). Pour a little bit of the sauce over the chicken, tossing to combine. Serve the chicken topped with sliced scallions and sesame seeds and the remaining sauce on the side.

Commentary:
The blog I got this recipe from had some excellent pointers that I will address first.

"Using bone-in chicken breasts, rather than boneless chicken breasts, is key to guaranteeing moist, tender shredded chicken." I, for once, did not use skinless, boneless chicken breasts. It lived up to the advice too. The chicken was pretty moist. I left the skin on while cooking. The sauce is a bit overpowering here (more on that later). I feel like the skin acts as a shield that allows you to control the sauce level after the fact.

Plus I am lazy. Taking that skin off is effort, right?

"Depending on your preferences, you may want to pour only a portion of the sauce over the shredded chicken. Any leftover sauce can be served with other proteins or veggies." I cannot stress this one enough. There was so much sauce left over after the fact. This would have been overwhelming (and I guess kind of disgusting) if I had dumped it all on.

I used 1/8 of a teaspoon crushed red pepper. The wifey noticed the tiniest bit of heat, which means I did not notice at all. This just did not strike me as something I wanted spicy, but maybe that is just me. 

This took a lot of cookware: slow cooker, rice cooker, pot, bowls, cutting board, etc. Luckily the wifey does the clean up!

My rice cooker has twice the capacity of my slow cooker because... poor planning?

Aside: I think this is the first time I have worked with hoison. I am not sure sure how that is possible at this point in my life, but I believe it to be true.

I cooked this sauce down until it was thick and sticky. I did not log the time, hence the unsure cooking time above.

"Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and caldron bubble."

Conclusion:
I liked it. The wifey tolerated. Some days that is enough. That said, this will not be making the regular rotation of dinners.