Caribbean Jerk Sauce (Buffalo Wild Wings Copycat)

The uncoated piece is my control. Because science and shit... or I was impatient. Which ever came first.

I am back. Now the wifey and I have a baby of our very own. It has been nearly four months and we have not stewed, roasted, baked or boiled the child! I am told you cannot do that until they are a year old.

To fricassee or ragout?

Aside: we are about two months off before I start blogging baby food stuff. You have been warned.

Anyway, today I stayed home sick with an upset stomach. It has been so bad, I actually went to the doctor. So naturally I had to try something new and spicy. Spicy food calms the stomach right?

Resources:
1 tablespoon canola oil
2 tablespoons minced onion
1 cup water
3/4 cup ketchup
1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons brown sugar
1/4 cup apple cider vinegar (I used sherry as I was out of cider vinegar)
2 tablespoons white vinegar
2 tablespoons cayenne sauce (I used Frank’s)
2 teaspoons black pepper
2 teaspoons Worcestershire sauce
2 teaspoons lemon juice
1 1/2 teaspoons cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon dried parsley
1 teaspoon corn starch
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
1/4 teaspoon onion powder
1/8 teaspoon ground clove
1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/8 teaspoon allspice
1/8 teaspoon sage

Method:
Mix all ingredients in a food processor. Move to a bot and simmer twenty-thirty minutes until thickened.

Commentary:
Do not let the long list of ingredients fool you. This is as simple as they come. Mix, simmer, and serve.

Also as noted, I substituted cooking sherry for cider vinegar because that is what I had.

So I used the small food processor. Bad idea. Very slimy, messy, bad idea.

I am supposed to keep the food INSIDE the food processor?
It did not say that anywhere in the instructions.

I lightly breaded some chicken (flour, salt, and pepper, fry in canola until cooked through) and then submerged the chicken in the sauce.

Also perfect for any tar and feathering you need to do!

Conclusion:
A little sweat, a little ketchup-y but really tasty and spicy! I am racking my brain for more things to put this on because it was GOOD. It might go on tonight's pizza in fact.

That said it is not an excellent copycat recipe. It tasted similar, but not the same.

Easy and Delicious Chicken and Rice Casserole

STOP! Are you a granola? Does food that come in boxes/cans offend you? Get the hell out of here if they do.

In honor of my life being on the verge of new born insanity, I bring you my lazy man favorite.

Taste that? That is minimal effort. Tastes acceptable!

Can you chop? Can you measure one cup? Do you consider stirring to be an acceptable amount of effort? If so, you may proceed. This is for you.

Resources:
~2 lbs frozen chicken breasts (still frozen)
1 packet Lipton (or equivalent) onion soup mix
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 cup uncooked rice
Pepper to taste

Method:
Preheat the oven to 350°F.

Mix the Lipton, soup, rice, and pepper.

Place chicken in a 9"x13" baking dish. Pour soup mix over chicken (it will not completely cover it). Cover tightly with foil.

Bake for 60 minutes. Remove from oven. Remove and chop/shred chicken. Return the chicken, mix well, and cover again. Return to the oven for another 30 minutes.

Commentary:
Onion soup mix and cream of chicken mixed together is like crack man. I can eat that shit straight.

Mmm. Brown crack.

The chicken is always a little dry and the there is always a bit of burnt rice. That is just part of this recipe. Accept it and move on.

Cooking time is pretty approximate. If you particularly large breasts (as I do), it may take a little longer. The key is make sure it is thawed when you chop / shred (cooked through is not necessary).

Speaking of chopping / shredding, make sure to dump the accumulated liquid from your cutting board back in.

The only real downside to this recipe is it takes too long.

Aside:
As noted, the wifey and I are in the home stretch of this whole pregnancy thingy-ma-jig. No telling when I will return. Until then, keep cooking friends!

Conclusion:
Do not expect a five star review on this one. This is not a regular. It just for the days I am feeling lazy and have a hundred minutes to spare. Damn it is easy.

Slow Cooker Honey Garlic Chicken

Oops! Wrote this a week ago and never posted. Better late than never, right?

It sure it a photogenic meal.

I do not like honey and you can bet if the word "berry" is anywhere in the vicinity of a recipe it is not for me. However for some reason this one spoke to me. Call it fate. Call it kismet. Call it what you will, but as soon as I read this recipe I knew I had to try it.

Resources:
2-3 large bone-in (with skin) chicken breasts (2 1/2 to 3 pounds total)
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup low sodium soy sauce
1/4 cup blackberry jam
1/4 cup hoisin sauce
2 Tablespoons olive oil
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/2 cup diced onion
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes (optional)
1 Tablespoon cornstarch
Sliced scallions, for garnish
Sesame seeds, for garnish

Method:
Arrange the chicken breasts in the slow cooker so that they are not overlapping.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the honey, soy sauce, blackberry jam, hoisin, olive oil, garlic, onion, and crushed red pepper flakes, and then pour the sauce over the chicken. Cover the slow cooker and cook the chicken on low for 4 to 5 hours or until the chicken is fully cooked.

Remove the chicken from the slow cooker (reserving the liquids) and place it on a cutting board. Remove the skin and bones then use two forks to shred the chicken into smaller pieces. Place the shredded chicken in a large bowl.

In a small bowl, whisk together the cornstarch with 3 tablespoons of cold water.

Strain the liquids from the slow cooker into a small saucepan set over medium-high heat and whisk in the cornstarch. Bring the sauce to a boil and cook it until it reduces and has thickened, about 5 minutes (it might have been more honestly). Pour a little bit of the sauce over the chicken, tossing to combine. Serve the chicken topped with sliced scallions and sesame seeds and the remaining sauce on the side.

Commentary:
The blog I got this recipe from had some excellent pointers that I will address first.

"Using bone-in chicken breasts, rather than boneless chicken breasts, is key to guaranteeing moist, tender shredded chicken." I, for once, did not use skinless, boneless chicken breasts. It lived up to the advice too. The chicken was pretty moist. I left the skin on while cooking. The sauce is a bit overpowering here (more on that later). I feel like the skin acts as a shield that allows you to control the sauce level after the fact.

Plus I am lazy. Taking that skin off is effort, right?

"Depending on your preferences, you may want to pour only a portion of the sauce over the shredded chicken. Any leftover sauce can be served with other proteins or veggies." I cannot stress this one enough. There was so much sauce left over after the fact. This would have been overwhelming (and I guess kind of disgusting) if I had dumped it all on.

I used 1/8 of a teaspoon crushed red pepper. The wifey noticed the tiniest bit of heat, which means I did not notice at all. This just did not strike me as something I wanted spicy, but maybe that is just me. 

This took a lot of cookware: slow cooker, rice cooker, pot, bowls, cutting board, etc. Luckily the wifey does the clean up!

My rice cooker has twice the capacity of my slow cooker because... poor planning?

Aside: I think this is the first time I have worked with hoison. I am not sure sure how that is possible at this point in my life, but I believe it to be true.

I cooked this sauce down until it was thick and sticky. I did not log the time, hence the unsure cooking time above.

"Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn, and caldron bubble."

Conclusion:
I liked it. The wifey tolerated. Some days that is enough. That said, this will not be making the regular rotation of dinners.

Shepherd’s Pie

Mmm. Excessive cheese.

So there are some foods I think you do a disservice by having a recipe. Something like shepherd’s pie should not be tied down by convention. It should not be shackled with unnecessary rules. Damn the man, save the Empire! Then I got married. Now you bet your ass I have an EXACT recipe. 

I tell you this not to make fun of my wife (ok maybe a little of that too), but to encourage you to play with this one. It is a very forgiving recipe, so if you are new to cooking or a seasoned veteran: experiment. I will discuss further in the commentary. BTW when you get the commentary section get comfy. I have opinions: lots and lots of opinions. Some of which are even about cooking!

Waxing philosophical aside, this is a recipe made for leftovers that keep well. This gets dinner and three to four lunches (total) for my wifey and me. That is a big selling point for me.

Resources:
2-2 1/2 lbs potatoes
1 lb ground beef
1/2-1 sweet onion, dice
1 can corn, drained
8 oz frozen peas
1 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1 teaspoon thyme
1 can cream of chicken soup
1 tablespoon flour
1 lb shredded provolone (or mozzarella ) cheese, divided
milk or butter (or better yet both)
salt and pepper

Method:
Skin and boil the potatoes until tender. Mash with 6 oz of cheese, milk, butter and salt to taste. Allow to cool slightly.

Cook the ground beef with the onion over medium heat until completely cooked. Drain some (not all) of the fat.

In a large bowl, mix the beef mixture, corn, peas, Worcestershire, thyme, cream of chicken soup, flour, and salt & pepper to taste. Transfer to an large deep baking dish (~8"x12"). Cover with a thick layer of potatoes. Top with remaining cheese.


Bake at 350ºF for 20 minutes or until it is heated throughout and the cheese is melty. Broil briefly (~5 minutes) until cheese is lightly browned. Do not burn it (duh).

Broil phase is not really NECESSARY, but it gives it some color in the cheese and I like it.

Commentary:
Is she looking? No. Ok. We are safe to talk. The wifey has a crazy ground beef issue. I like to pick the right ground beef for the job. Burgers: 80/20. Hamburger helper: 90/10. And so on. If I let her have her way it would be 93/7 all the time. We compromise on 90/10 most of the time with the occasional 85/15. For whatever reason, she really hates 80/20. Anyway the point is in this recipe it does not matter much. The only difference for me is if I was using 80/20 I would drain the beef more thoroughly than the 90/10. I leave a fair bit of the liquefied fat in (not that there is much) with 90/10.

Let us talk about what is important and what is not important. Ground beef, mash potatoes, and some veggies are what make a shepherd’s pie. Beyond that it is personal taste. So let us talk a “little” about how I arrived at the above recipe.

Vegetables: I find a total of 2-3 cups to 1 lb of ground beef is a nice ratio. But you can use anything for the vegetables. Lots of onions and corn is what I like. Too many peas turn me off though. What can I say I do not like a lot of pea-ness (file that under jokes that do not translate to the written word). If you have frozen vegetable medley lying around use that. Like some crunch? Add diced carrots. The only catch is there is minimal oven cooking here, so anything (like raw carrots) that needs more cook time that has to be done before the oven.

Check out my meat / veggie balance. See it. Touch it. Taste it.

Potatoes: the mashed potatoes to “other” ratio is SUPER-DUPER important. This recipe comes with a little bit more potatoes than other, but pretty close. I have seen versions where you have 2-3X the potatoes. I have seen versions where the potatoes barely cover the dish. Like anything else, it is a taste thing.

Cheese: completely optional, but why would you ever OPT OUT of cheese? Honestly half the time I probably use more than a pound if I have it handy.

Seasoning: you do not want to overwhelm the potatoes and vegetables, but little/no seasoning comes across as bland. I like Worcestershire and a little bit of one of the Italian basics (thyme in this case). I have used oregano before too. I have found my happy palce, you should do the same. I just advise against going hog wild. Lightly seasoned is the goal here.

Cream of chicken: finally we come to the liquid. You can use broth if you want to go a little healthier.  Yes, cream of chicken is calorically heavy. I usually get about six servings out of this recipe, so I do not feel like they put this over the top into the unhealthy category. Point is you want to have something there. Otherwise this will be way too dry.  And I like something on the thicker side. Cream of chicken and flour accomplishes that. 

If you are still reading my long winded commentary section I award you an imaginary internet point. Congrats!

Conclusion:
It hits all four traditional food groups in one meal. It is easy to make. It is flexible (which helps when you forget the <BLANK> at the grocery). The ingredients are cheap. There is a reason this is a stable of my household.

Aioli-Glazed Charred Broccoli

This IS the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Happy New Year and what not. We have a quicky today, because I feel unworthy of keeping this glory to myself any longer.

Resources:

1/2 cup mayonnaise (1/3 cup*)

1.5 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil (1 tablespoon*)

1 tablespoon lemon juice (2 teaspoons*)

1 small garlic clove, finely grated

Salt

Pepper

2 medium to small heads, cut into florets

Method:

Preheat the broiler and position a rack 8 inches from the heat. In a large bowl, whisk the mayonnaise with the olive oil, lemon juice and garlic and season generously with salt and pepper. Add the broccoli florets and toss to coat.

Spread the broccoli on a large rimmed baking sheet and broil for about 6-9 minutes, until lightly charred and the edges are crisp. Serve right away.

Commentary:

* - You will notice I have two measurements. The original recipe is for three heads. Well thanks F&W, real helpful since my grocery sells in bundles of two. Anyway use the first. If that is too saucy (as the wifey informed me it was) use the second batch. While I will agree with her the first batch I made was a bit overly saucy, the second batch had a quarter or so of the pieces with way too little sauce. If I find a happy medium I will let you guys know.

PS, sorry about the funny text formatting. Blogger.com does not like me today.

Two heads are better than three?

Conclusion:

Holy moly, EPIC! I have already made it twice and I will make it again MANY times... including most likely tonight.

Southern Baked Chicken Casserole

I recommend ALL of the above.

Southern cooking: it invokes a mental image of large women in floral apron working in big old hot kitchen with a screen door for the breeze, lots of chicken and veggies, simple but rich. I could go on, but you get the idea. This is what was going through my mind when I read this recipe. Does it hold up? Let us find out!

An aside before we begin. By completing this recipe, you are inherently a bad person in my book. I like crackers and crushing a whole sleeve is an act of gratuitous violence in my book.

A thing of beauty.

I am a MoNsTeR! I will have nightmares of this day.

Resources:
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 small onion, finely chopped
1 red bell pepper, finely chopped
1 celery rib, finely chopped
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups milk
Salt and freshly ground pepper
Frank’s
1/2 cup mayonnaise
4 cups shredded rotisserie chicken
1/2 cup finely chopped pimentos, drained (more or less a 4-ounce jar)
1 sleeve Ritz crackers, crushed (4 ounces)

Method:
Preheat the oven to 350° (if you have not chopped everything up, preheat in the middle of chopping). In a large saucepan, melt the butter in the oil. Add the onion, bell pepper and celery and cook over moderately high heat, stirring, until softened, about 6-10 minutes. Add the flour and cook, stirring, for 2 minutes. Add the milk and whisk until combined. Simmer until thickened, about 3 minutes. Season the mixture with salt, pepper, and Tabasco to taste. Remove from the heat and stir in the mayonnaise, chicken and pimentos.

Transfer the chicken mixture to a 2 (ish) quart baking dish. Scatter the crushed crackers on top. Bake for about 30-45 minutes, until the casserole is golden and bubbling. Let rest before serving.

No bubbles: not ready. Or in this case, not cooked at all.

Lots of bubbles = done.

Commentary:
I left the instructions as rotisserie chicken even though I did not use it. I love those chickens. $5 at the grocery or Sam’s gets you a whole chicken cooked to salty perfection.  Hell they are typically cheaper than an uncooked chicken (which confuses me). Drool… point is when I buy one I eat the hell out of it. I see recipes all the time for the leftovers. Does not happen in my world. So I used about 1.5 lbs of diced lightly seasoned chicken breast meat.

Speaking of salt, be careful here. You salt before a salty ingredient. Sure the salty chicken is mixed in but the Ritz are yet to come. Just make sure you balance salt added to the chicken AND Ritz.

I would not sweat the exact vegetables and quantities here. I threw in TWO stalks of celery because I am a wild and crazy guy.

Vegetables are tasty.

Vegetables are even more tasty when drowning in milk and butter and oil.

I used skim milk since it was what was in the fridge. The sauce still thickened quite nicely and tasted relatively rich.

Frank’s was originally tabasco sauce but otherwise this is more or less unmodified from the original. I did not use much. I was convinced I could talk the wifey into trying this one. Did not happen. I wish I used more. Pregnant wifeys: they are trouble, I am telling you. ;)

Conclusion:
It was good. Southern enough. I am a life long Northerner, so I am guessing honestly. Anyway I am unsure if I will ever make it again, but I have no regrets.

Baked Apple Butter Brown Sugar Chicken

Let us just get this out of the way: I ROYALLY fucked this up. Forgive the language, but sometimes you have to call a spade a spade. Next time, I will possibly follow the original recipe or remake as I have below. However you, my loyal viewing audience, get what I actually made. Why? Something about honesty or integrity or some other BS like that. Plus the original recipe does not match my pictures.

Not a chicken wing.

Also I just want to point out, I keep my promises. I said I would revisit apple butter after the last recipe was just ok. More integrity! I am an integrity MACHINE!

Resources:
2-3 pounds chicken breasts cut into 3-4” long, 1-2” wide pieces
2 tablespoons vegetable oil (canola)
2 tablespoon brown sugar
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon chili powder
1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika
1/4 cup apple butter
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
1 cup sour cream
2 tablespoon Sriracha, or more (much more) to taste, divided

Method:
Preheat oven to 425°F. Line a baking dish with foil.

In a medium bowl, mix everything besides the sour cream and half the Sriracha (ie 1 tablespoon DOES get mixed in). Stab the chicken with a fork repeatedly until well punctured and the everything is well mixed.

Place chicken onto prepared baking dish and baste with remaining sauce. Place into oven and bake for 25 minutes, using tongs to turn halfway and basting with apple butter glaze on other side of wings.

To make the dipping sauce, whisk together sour cream and Sriracha to taste.

Upon removing from oven, drizzle sour cream sauce over the chicken and serve.

Commentary:
Ok so this is a Frankenstein monster here. I substituted breast meat for wings. That part was planned. But this recipe was originally a three part sauce: one to mix the chicken in, one to baste, and the sour cream drizzle at the end. Because I cannot follow basic instructions, the chicken sauce and the baste became one. You know what, I was having a good day, I did not let my screw up ruin it. Do not judge me!

This helped.

An additional screw up occurred when I decided to wash the bowl with the remaining sauce before I basted for a second time at the half mark. I am unsure of how much wine I had drank at that point, but we will blame it on the wine.

In regards to the sour cream, I kept adding Sriracha until it tasted good. If I had to guess I would say somewhere in the neighborhood of 2-3 tablespoons. One was just was not enough! Very little heat comes through in the chicken itself. This is the place you want to control the heat.

As an aside, hopefully when you copy and paste my recipes you will not get this crap.

I am unsure how to add nicotine to the recipe.

Conclusion:
FABULOUS! I ate the sauce with a spoon after I was done. Seriously, and I say that without shame.

Note the cleanliness of the spoon. I did not even stop at this point. I ate half of what you see here.